Broken Marital Promises

As I wait patiently in the aisle of the checkout lane of the grocery store, I can’t help but glance at the titles of the magazines. I read about several of my most watched movie star breakups with their spouses due to the popular reasons - - irreconcilable difference or adultery. When I think about my church community, I now see over ½ of the population that are divorced.

I don’t want to write this to condemn those that have gone through divorce. I write about this topic with utmost sincerity. It is what has been on my mind. I am writing merely to understand, and to express my thoughts. I want to understand God and what He feels about divorce. I want to write the truth - - God’s truth.

So I search through Scriptures. It is what God has given me to live life. It is the Word that I teach my children when I am correcting them, and where I go when I need answers. It is also where I go to be with Him.






The more I search through the Scriptures, the more I ache for us, the people of God. We have become deceived by Satan, the world, and even ourselves. We have been listening to the enemy, that when our marriage is not what we envisioned it to be, we bail out, leave, because the grass will be greener on the other side. We have allowed the world to dictate and make up laws on what is permissible than searching through His Word about the laws of marriage, divorce and remarriage. We have even denied the knowledge of God in our hearts, and used human reasoning to justify our selfishness and taken advantage of His grace and mercy for us. We preach about love and forgiveness, but we fail to do that in our first marriage. We are to love our neighbor as ourselves but we quit at loving our spouses unconditionally. We’ve spitted out words like divorce to our spouse, and in front of our children whenever disagreement arises. Yet we are in agreement when we pray for the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts to be pleasing to Him. When the world looks at the church, they do not see people that walk the talk. They see us doing both but in opposite directions. Thus all this, we have rendered the power of His shed blood on the cross powerless.

Here are the most common reasons for divorce: 1. They didn’t know each other before they married, 2. They were too young, 3. They didn’t take the time for each other, 4. Unfaithfulness, 5. Addictions (sexual, pornography, drugs, alcohol), 6. Financial problems, 7. One or both were Non-believers, and 8. Abuse (physical, verbal). I empathize with all these troubles in the marriages. I must add, if there is domestic abuse, an immediate separation is required.

God hates divorce. He says it in the book of Malachi. When Jesus came to the earth, He reiterated God’s law, He didn’t change it. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Divorce breaks up families and it hurts God. We need the people of God to not accept divorce as a way out.

We need to be intentional in teaching biblical truth to the next generation. Even though we may not do it right in our marriage, it doesn’t mean they are subjected to the same. But, it is imperative we are transparent to talk about all of it, and we have to show it to them from the Word what God says. This all starts from an early age where we begin to tell them that boys and girls don’t touch. No holding hands, no kissing. We teach them to save this for the special person God has chosen for them. As they are old enough to watch TV, we monitor their time on there, even watch it with them. If we come across ‘bad parts’, we talk to them about it. There are so many shows on there now with blended families and single-parent families. These representations are not evil by any means, but they are not God’s best for us. We need to be sensitive that these things can affect them unknowingly. As they are reaching the adolescent age, we begin to talk to them about the dangers of dating and lust. We begin to tell them what God says about being unequally yoked. As parents, we are to keep the door open for them to come tell us when they are struggling with feelings for the opposite sex. We are able to help them overcome and rationalize their thoughts. To have this type of communication is one to be highly prized, for this begins when the parents are listening and talking to them when they are wee ones.

Ken has begun the discussion with our children that before they have a suitor, they must honor parental authority and responsibility. The Bible states that fathers are the head of their sons and daughters (Numbers 30 and Ephesians 6:1-4). Parental blessing and affirmation is to be consulted (Genesis 24, Proverbs 15:22).

You may think these are not culturally acceptable practices in the modern world, but the contemporary methods are severely malfunctioned. The divorce rate in the church statistically is indistinguishable from the unbelieving world. We have gone away from the biblical approaches and now it is literally a moral disaster.

I think people who have gone through the divorce and remarriage, they need to speak the biblical truth to their children. It is their duty as Christian parents to talk to them of God’s commands regarding the issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage. I have seen God restoring 2nd marriages, but this is not the intention and plan of God, and is not to be glorified. It is the grace and love of God that these relationships are prospering. How awesome is our God! The church, instead of condemning, need to help these families and nurture them so they don’t end up doing the same thing again.

I am deeply saddened when I hear of marriages ending. Each time we hear of broken marriages, we need to be on our knees praying for the restoration of the family rather than divorce, and we need to be interceding for our marriages as well, as none of us are exempt from being in the same position. Our world is fallen and it’s not going to get any better.

Finally, please find the time to read this important biblical teaching on Restoration of Christian Marriage.

Laying It Down

Over a month ago, on a Sunday evening, I was approached by Ken about praying whether I should give up watching dramatic shows. I have a few I watch on a weekly basis, all of which I have followed since the first episode: Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers and Sisters. He had expressed his dislike of the Oprah Show before, and I had given it up for over a year now. But, I felt he was literally telling me not to watch anymore TV. After all, I don't watch TV during the day when I am teaching the children. I enjoyed my nighttime shows, but at the same time I knew these shows did nothing for my spiritual growth.

Before Ken confronted me, I had been bothered by an episode on Grey's Anatomy, when one 28-year-old resident student in the hospital was ridiculed by her colleagues that she was still a virgin. The 28-year-old woman felt ashamed of this fact and she tried to deny and hide this secret. I continued to watch the shows week after week, because it was what I've always done on Thursday evenings.

As I began to evaluate all these shows after Ken told me to pray about it, I realized it was not Ken telling me to let these shows go, but it was the Lord. I was ashamed that I had allowed these immoral shows become part of my life for so long.

How can I teach my children to commit to their spouse for life when I am watching shows where adultery is committed and accepted? If I tell my children that God hates divorce and He says so in His Word, then how can I continue to condone actors on these shows that consistently divorce and remarry season after season? Just 10 years ago, I wouldn't have come across same-sex relationships accepted on TV, but now it is politically correct to include homosexual relationships in almost all shows. The 3 shows that I watched had all of these situations portrayed. I was at a place where I couldn't continue to watch these shows if I was to continue to raise my children in spirit and in truth. I needed to ask for forgiveness of sin and give up my old ways. It has been over a month since I've seen an episode. But I am realizing that when it comes to living an intentional Christ-like life, I need to go cold turkey, rid of all viewing; there was to be no weaning off the shows. I no longer watch Dancing With the Stars anymore once I begin to be evaluate all of my TV viewing. I felt I could not watch men and women dressed like they are out to seduce their partners, when I am teaching my children to dress modestly. Since I've made that decision to evaluate what I allow myself to watch on TV, I thought I would struggle with temptation, but I have felt more freedom than bondage.

My prayer in sharing this private life of mine is to not to convict you of your TV watching. You may not have the same guilt as I do and you may watch the same programs, but we should all be open and sensitive to the Holy Spirit's convictions in all areas of our lives. If we deny and resist the calling to change, we become more and more hardened to His voice, eventually not able to reach the potential, and useless to reaching others for Christ. (I Corinthians 10:23-24 NKJV, All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being.) If we give up worldly things, then we have room for the spiritual things.

I know some of you may accuse me of legalism. I do know that our works don't save us - - it's our faith in Jesus. But if we are in Christ, we must do good works (what He has called us) for the glory of God. We are created for this purpose. (Ephesians 2:10 NKJV, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.") Therefore, I want all my activities to be pleasing to Him because I love Him, not for personal gain or for His favor. Would you join me in giving up the worldly things for more godly things?

Conversion Experience

Over a week ago, Ken and I were sitting in the living room while all our children were sitting at the dinning room table having a snack before bedtime. The conversation they were having caught my attention. Joshua, Aimee and Caleb were telling our youngest daughter, Rachel that she needed to accept Jesus to be saved and be able to go to heaven when she dies. As I was listening to the conversation, I was able to see Rachel’s face from the living room. I then heard her say, “I know Jesus.” But, I also saw some confusion.

I chose to not act on this conversation, but to wait and figure out what was God's best to handle this situation. Throughout the week, I wondered what Rachel must have thought. Ken and I have taught all of our children at home, biblically and academically. They have Bible as a subject that they study. We open our Bibles during devotion and reading times. During the day, I may even have Bible songs playing softly, or we may have a short worship time together. From birth, we have taught Rachel that Jesus loves her, and we believe she loves Him. She is receptive to our corrections, and has a desire obey Jesus. The 3 older children have all accepted and prayed to accept the Lord as their Savior at an early age.

It made me wonder if children born into a Christian home, where the Word of God is read and studied daily, would naturally accept the biblical teaching from their parents. Therefore, they'd accept the Lord as their Savior.

I'd like to pause here to note that Ken and I do not believe that children of Christian parents are automatically grandfathered into the Book of Life. There is no guarantee that children of Christian parents won’t fall away, nor does the promise of salvation guarantee a person not to fall away. But when we teach and train our children at home, we are taking and applying God’s commands and promises by faith (Deuteronomy 6:5-9, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”, Proverbs 2:26, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”), which in this case means faithful covenantal parenting, just as the promises of salvation assume that one is applying scripture’s promises by faithful living. Of course, believing parents can fail to pass on the covenantal blessings, like the generation that followed Joshua (Judges 2:10, “Therefore the LORD was very angry with Israel and said, "Because this nation has violated the covenant that I laid down for their forefathers and has not listened to me”), and they can raise their children to worship idols (Ezekiel 16:20, “And you took your sons and daughters whom you bore to me and sacrificed them as food to the idols. Was your prostitution not enough?” ). From the Word, God wants believing parents to be faithful in parenting their children. That is why a qualification for church leaders is to have faithful children. (I Timothy 3:4-5, “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?”)

Ken and I discussed over this issue Saturday night. On Sunday morning, the church had a baby dedication (I call it parents’ dedication), where we took an oath to faithfully teach and train our 2 year-old in the admonition of the Lord. After the parents’ dedication, the church had a deacon in-training of the church share his testimony. His testimony was only a few minutes long, but it was revealing to me. He grew up in a Christian home where he always knew the Lord. He vaguely recalled giving his life to Christ around the age of 5 or 6, but he had always loved the Lord and served Him all his life. I know this man and his wife a little because they attend the same Sunday School class. They have struggled much financially this past year or two. He has lost his job and is still waiting for God’s provision for another job. In the meantime, he and his wife work part time as it becomes available. They also have grown sons who are faithfully serving the Lord. The couple have not turned their backs from their faith, but they are living it out on a daily basis.

A friend of mine shared this with me: Jack Hayford said in one of his Bible studies many years ago, that he had two young ladies that came to the Lord around the same time. One girl had many baggage to overcome, while another didn’t have as much, the girl with less baggage God was able to use her in the ministry sooner, while the other had to sort through her struggles before she was able to be used by God. So children that grew up knowing the Lord early is an advantage for the kingdom of God. I am in no way saying that my children will be without baggage and sin to deal with, they will indeed, and are struggling with their sin nature now, lying, stealing, disobedience, impatience, etc. My children are still in training, and even though by imperfect parents, with God’s help and parental commitment, the children can be used mightily and powerfully when they are grown.

I took the time this morning to talk with Rachel about Jesus' love for her and asked her if she would like to ask the Lord to personally live in her heart and help her live her life for Him. She right away wanted us to pray for her. I consider it pure joy and an honor to be able to celebrate this moment with her. Her conversion experience was sweet and peaceful.

My prayer is that our children will not only have the knowledge and wisdom of God’s Word and His promises, but they will experience a faith that is true, beautiful, and fulfilling so they will never want to depart for the worldly idols.